I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Panties = found
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
