i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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