i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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