If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
