why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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