Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry