Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
