she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.