I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits