Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
