I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
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Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.