I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
