You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
