Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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