Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
