She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I smell stomach acid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
