return my video game
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize