So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
