I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
how drunk are you?
Several
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
