so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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