I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
