So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
