my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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