I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
