Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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