Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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