I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
