Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize