I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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