1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize