her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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