Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
