butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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