i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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