people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
