Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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