I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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