I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
