after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
