Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
