i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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