i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
