i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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