I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
