remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
