NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
