Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
