btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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