I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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