Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
