how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
