True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
