Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
