My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
