She's JV to your varsity
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
