Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
