If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
