I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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