My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
