i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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