I'm going to jail i love you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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