I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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