so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
