like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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