Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
