Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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