Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
