We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
