Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
