cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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