you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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