if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
