I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
