Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
