he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
