TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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