STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
