I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
