I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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