so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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